


front seat

by pearltiare



Category: Cardcaptor Sakura
Genre: Clear Card Arc, F/F, Fluff, Self Confidence, Some light angst, all lowercase, baby gays, focus on tomoyo, it wont let me put akiho in the characters tag, self discovery, slow burn kinda, space between punctuation, wont let me put yuna d kaito in there either
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25741588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pearltiare/pseuds/pearltiare
Summary: tomoyo daidouji has spent her whole life taking a back seat. she's learned to be okay with being in the background, being selfless, and never asking for anything herself. meiling helps tomoyo realize that her feelings, her wants, and her needs are just as important as anyone else's.
Relationships: Daidouji Tomoyo/Li Meiling
Comments: 3
Kudos: 16





	1. selfless

**Author's Note:**

> hey hey ! this chapter is a little less detailed than the others will be and skips around a bit, since i'm writing this as a prologue almost. an introduction to the story, y'know ? i wrote in a little scene of akiho and meiling helping each other with school, specifically japanese ! anyways, i'll finish this fic as soon as i possibly can, and i hope you enjoy <3

tomoyo daidouji was a complicated character, that was for sure. she often was quite modest and reserved. there are several words that can be used to describe her, but if you were to explain her in just one, it would be _selfless._

tomoyo was never one to really put herself in the spotlight, or talk about herself. it was always about sakura, or syaoran, or naoko, or anyone else she was with. even during her choir concerts, the one time when she would really get to shine, she would turn down solos so that other students had a chance. she would rarely ever design anything for herself, and when she did, it was just a hat or brooch. the girl was used to being in the background, she never really had to adjust to it. that's where she was every day, so tomoyo figured it was where she belonged.

meiling had recently come back to japan, she had announced that this time around she would be staying for six months. something along the lines of issues with distant relatives. tomoyo considered meiling a dear friend, but she also considered sakura, syaoran, naoko, rika, chiharu, and akiho dear friends. it wasn't much different, the only real difference was that tomoyo lived in japan, and meiling lived in hong kong. of course, tomoyo was delighted to hear that the girl was coming back to japan, even if it wasn't permanent. it meant that they would get to see each other again, and she loved her friends wholeheartedly. she loved meiling wholeheartedly.

although meiling already had a hotel booked, tomoyo absolutely insisted that she stay with the daidouji family, free of cost. they had more than one guest bedroom, which they let meiling pick out, and sonomi was more than happy to have her. she tried protesting a little by asking,

"hey, isn't six months, like, a really long time to have a guest ? i can just go back to the hotel i booked, really, it's no big deal."

but the daidoujis wouldn't have any of it. sonomi assured the girl that it was fine, she was welcome to stay for as long as she needed. tomoyo took the route of pleading with meiling to _please_ stay with them during her visit to tomoeda. after all, staying in a hotel for six months straight had to be expensive. saying their home was massive would be an understatement, there was room for hundreds, maybe even thousands of people in there.

meiling knew that tomoyo was generous, that didn't take a genius to figure out. but this ? letting her stay in a huge home free of cost for six months ? it was definitely something that surprised her. she knew she'd have to think of a way to repay her, something big, since this was definitely something she wouldn't be able to do herself. the li clan was a noble, wealthy family just like the daidoujis, but there was no way they'd do this for someone outside of their family. especially not someone who was only acquainted with their child, instead of the adults. so for this, meiling was beyond grateful.

meiling temporarily transferred to tomoeda junior high, much to the delight of sakura and tomoyo. the other girls were happy to see her as well, and on just the first day at her new school, she was invited to eat lunch with tomoyo and sakura's friend group. the girl was placed in the same class as tomoyo, sakura, chiharu, and akiho, and she found herself still struggling in school. japanese wasn't a language she could only read or write a few words of, but she was by no means fluent. she was fine with speaking and understanding it, but when it came to reading and writing, she was a little helpless. this made her grades suffer a bit.

akiho offered to have study days together every wednesday. she said,

"we're both learning japanese, right ? so i think that if we study together, it could really help both of us with the language, and i'm sure it'll help your grades !"

meiling couldn't say no to that, so every wednesday, she visited the shinomoto residence, ride provided by tomoyo's mother. they spent time going over classic literature translated into japanese, math worksheets that seemed just too easy for yuna, but difficult for the pair. akiho had even went as far as to buy books in cantonese to go with the same books in japanese, so that meiling could compare and learn.

"akiho, you really didn't have to do this ! besides, do you even speak cantonese ?" 

she asked, her eyebrow slightly raised and hands on her hips. papers and various books were spread out across the hard wood floor the girls were sitting on. some vanilla candles were burning, and yuna had generously dropped off some earl gray tea to help akiho and meiling calm down and study. they were both still in their school uniforms, although meiling had let her hair down, since she tied one of the buns too tight that morning. tight enough to give her a headache that lasted the entire school day.

akiho looked up from the textbook she was holding and scratched her head,

"well, no, i don't speak cantonese... not fluently, anyways. but it's your native language, so you should be able to study it here !"

she said a bit loud, almost half yelling a bit of a pouting expression on her face. meiling figured that akiho probably knew at least a _little_ cantonese, since she told her that she had stayed in both china and hong kong before. but it wasn't for long, and she was young, so yuna took on the role of an interpreter for her. but nonetheless, meiling gave a smile and a hum in response.

"well, i appreciate it, so thank you."

she honestly couldn't remember what akiho said her native language was, but she didn't give it much thought. something european, like french or swiss. she didn't know.

when it became time to head to the daidouji residence for dinner, meiling hugged akiho goodbye and wished her well. she saw the car outside waiting for her, with bodyguards standing outside of it. she hopped in the back seat and scrolled through social media for the ride, occasionally stopping to laugh at some stupid meme that was on her news feed. when she arrived and stepped outside, she walked through the garden in the front of the home and saw tomoyo waiting there for her. it was only her second study session with akiho, but tomoyo had done the same thing when meiling came back for dinner the last week, so she figured it would just become a fun tradition.

"hello, meiling, how did it go with akiho ?"

she asked, her hands folded together at her chest. meiling just shrugged and answered,

"same as last week i guess, but this time akiho had cantonese translations of the books we were studying. she said it was to help me understand better."

tomoyo smiled,

"oh, that's very kind of her ! i'm sure that'll be helpful for you in school. mom made one of the dishes you taught us for tonight, so please come inside !"

she stepped aside to let the girl inside the home, and tomoyo followed after meiling. the dish was wonderful, although sonomi went a little crazy with the spices, it was enjoyable. they both got their nightly showers, and soon got ready for bed. normally they stayed up quite late, but since it was a school night, neither of them wanted to risk falling asleep in class.

♡

meiling was sitting in tomoyo's desk chair, getting her hair braided by the singer. tomoyo pleaded with her to _please_ let her braid her hair, as 'it would look lovely wavy.' the idea was for meiling to sleep with the braids in, then take them out in the morning. they had made small talk while tomoyo was styling the girl's hair and she didn't mind this at all, tomoyo was quite the expert at small talk. she was about to put a hair tie on the first braid when she heard meiling clear her throat to speak,

  
"hey, tomoyo, do you ever think you're maybe, uh... i don't really know how to say it, what's the word... selfless ?"

tomoyo cocked her head to the side a little and shook her head once she processed what she was asked,

"i don't think so, no, i've always just been someone who wants to be there for my dear friends ! i like taking care of people and making people happy."

meiling shook her head, which unraveled the braid a little.

"no, tomoyo, i mean, everyone knows that much, but have you ever really stopped and thought to yourself, 'what do _i_ want ?' not what does sakura want, or syaoran, or akiho, or your mother, what _you_ want."

tomoyo let go of meiling's hair for a moment to think. while she was right, tomoyo didn't really think of it as an issue. sure, she was a selfless person, but there wasn't anything wrong with that, right ? she never really thought about what she wanted, because she didn't see it as important. she wasn't ill, she was eating well and staying hydrated, she had a good circle of friends and good grades. so what more could she want, really ? she took hold of the braid meiling had unraveled a little and cleared her throat before she began fixing it up.

"hm, well, i haven't, but that's okay, really ! as long as my friends are happy, i'm happy."

meiling sighed and knew that she would have to help tomoyo out at least somewhat. she really didn't get it. she sat there in thought for the remaining time that her hair was being braided, about how she could help, what she would have to teach the girl, what would and wouldn't work, etc. of course, it wasn't something that was gonna come to tomoyo easily. she was a kind and warm girl, but she could also be incredibly stubborn and persistent when she wanted to be. when they were done, they both headed to the bathroom to wash up and get ready for bed. 

meiling always turned out tomoyo's lights for her and wished her goodnight, it was a nightly practice at this point. neither of them could really recall how or why this tradition started, but it made tomoyo happy, so meiling went along with it. she stood in the door frame, peeking her head out and asked,

"do you need anything before i turn the lights out ?"

tomoyo shook her head, signaling that she was fine and ready to get some rest. meiling just nodded, flicked the light switch off, and closed the girl's bedroom door. she cracked it a little bit before she went to go to her guest room and whispered,

"goodnight, tomoyo."


	2. reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tomoyo spends the days after her conversation with meiling reflecting on what was said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi hiii ! i hope you'll enjoy this chapter ! i promise we'll get to the tomomei soon, but i want for the focus to be on tomoyo's self discovery for a good while.

the days following their conversation, tomoyo was stuck in a state of reflection, disbelief, and denial, all at the same time. of course, tomoyo put effort into her appearance. she put effort into her friends, her loved ones, and her studies. she had never really stopped to think about herself, at least not for long. it didn't really have any significance to her, as she had thought she was just fine as she was. she ate well, she was well hydrated, she had a roof over her head, she had wonderful grades and did near perfect in extra curricular activities. it didn't really ever occur to the girl to actually consider what she wanted, what path she wanted to take. tomoyo had always just gone along with whatever sakura wanted.

the morning after her talk with meiling, she woke up rather late and rushed to her bathroom to get ready. she did her skincare routine (which meiling criticized, she was only thirteen), she pinned her hair into a braid crown, she brushed her teeth and changed into her school uniform. she headed downstairs to eat and saw meiling already at the table, a bagel in her hand and apple juice on the table. tomoyo had requested strawberry pancakes that morning, so as it was every morning, her meal of choice was at her seat. she pulled her chair out to sit down, however she didn't immediately begin eating like she normally did. she poked at the food with her fork, but strangely enough, she wasn't hungry. meiling swallowed her food a bit too loud and asked,

"tomoyo, are you alright ? something troubling you ?"

tomoyo snapped out of her daze and was a bit shaken up, but smiled at meiling as she always did and responded,

"oh no, i'm quite fine, i think i may just be a little tired... please don't worry about me."

meiling raised an eyebrow, it was quite obvious to tomoyo that she wasn't buying it. however, tomoyo hoped that meiling would just let it slide, at least this once, and thankfully she did. as much as meiling wanted to know the truth, she didn't want to pry or seem like she was sticking her nose where it didn't belong. so she let it be. tomoyo eventually did eat her breakfast, and her housekeeper took the dishes from her. the girl headed back to her room to gather her textbooks, bag, and lunch box to put into her school bag. meiling had gotten up quite early that morning, which was rare for her, so she figured that she might as well get ready. as per usual, she was sitting in the front garden scrolling through social media. tomoyo shot a glance up to the clock on her wall, and realized she had to leave in two minutes. shoot, i've gotta get going now.

she rushed down the stairs, almost tripped a number of times due to how many stairs there were. she considered taking the elevator, but it was on the exact opposite side of the home as the front door. she ran into the front yard panting, and meiling was quick to get up and check on her.

"jeez, you're panting like a dog ! you okay ?"

meiling asked with a nervous chuckle. tomoyo slowly nodded, and began walking down the path towards the gate where sakura was waiting. sakura actually really liked walking to school with the both of them, it wasn't often that she got to spend time with meiling outside of school or syaoran, and she was leaving in less than six months to go back to hong kong. so, of course, sakura decided that she would make the most of her time with her friend. they got to the gate and sakura was standing there with a bright, almost blinding smile plastered on her face. the gate closed behind the two, and sakura greeted them,

"good morning, tomoyo, meiling !"

she was waving to the two of them, and tomoyo gave her the same smile she did every day in response. meiling waved back, and they began heading towards tomoeda junior high. sakura had a bit of a hop to her step, and she was humming quite loudly. it wasn't often that either of them saw her like this. of course, sakura was a cheerful girl, but this morning, she seemed absolutely delighted. meiling spoke up asking,

"did you win the lottery or something, sakura ? did syaoran propose to you ?"

sakura immediately stopped in her steps, and tomoyo and meiling followed. she had a blush spread across her face and replied, half-yelling,

"w-what ?! it's too early for us to get married, you know t-that ! touya and yukito said that they would take me to a festival tonight, okay ?"

meiling giggled and nodded her head.

"yeah, yeah, i was just messing with you. if you and syaoran were to actually get engaged, i'd expect to be the first person to know, 'kay ?"

they picked back up walking, and the rest of the walk to school was in silence. tomoyo kept her head down at her feet and her grip on her bag tight. she nearly tripped a few times as she was stuck in thought, but neither of the two girls with her seemed to really notice. when they arrived at the gates, tomoyo was about to head in when sakura stopped her for a moment. she tapped on her shoulder and tomoyo's head swung around to make eye contact with her friend. she began speaking, and she had worry written all over her face. she may as well have just written "worry" on her forehead in permanent marker.

"tomoyo, are you okay ? you haven't said anything this morning, and you kept tripping on the way here. you usually don't look at the ground the whole time, either... i'm a little worried !"

tomoyo just forced a little smile and replied in a calm tone (which was also forced),

"oh, i'm fine, please don't worry about me. it's getting rather late, we should get to class."

tomoyo left it at that and began speed walking inside the building, then to the classroom. sakura knew something was _definitely_ off, if she was really as fine as she claimed she was, she wouldn't have rushed off or left her answer so vague.

the school day passed rather slowly for tomoyo. of course, she did her work as she was instructed to and told all of her classmates good morning, but she was constantly zoning in and out. she often had to be pulled back to the real world by her name being said repeatedly by the teacher, and she took much longer pauses than normal when she was called on to read for the class. tomoyo often shot glances up at the clock, but found that only five minutes maximum had gone by. she ate lunch with her circle of friends as she did every other day, but she barely spoke and ate much quicker than normal. when tomoyo got up to head to her afternoon classes early, akiho tried asking if something had happened the day before, but nobody was able to give a sure answer.

when it came time to go back home, the girls walked slower than normal and decided that when they got to tomoyo's gate, they would try their hardest to get an answer out of the girl. the walk went the same as the one that morning had, and when they got to the large gate, tomoyo was ready to wave goodbye to sakura. however, she was stopped in her tracks by meiling. the both of them looked incredibly concerned, which pulled at tomoyo's heartstrings. she was aware that she was acting strange that day, but she had never intended to worry her friends. meiling cleared her throat and began,

"okay, tomoyo, i get it if you don't wanna talk about it in full detail. but me and sakura both are, like, crazy worried about you, okay ? you know that if something is going on or if you need to talk to someone, we're both here. you can just give either of us a call,"

she took a second to catch her breath as she had been speaking quite quickly,

"you're usually tripping over how cute sakura's outfits look or carrying your video camera around, you know ? and today, you seem to just be totally out of it. we won't judge if you tell us what's going on."

tomoyo was a little taken aback at the sudden confrontation, and she debated for a moment if she should just tell her friends she was feeling under the water, or tell them the truth. of course, she didn't want to lie to those she loved, but she didn't want to cause any more unnecessary worry. so she took a deep inhale while she gathered herself, composed what she would say and began speaking,

"well... meiling said last night that i'm too selfless, and i should be looking after myself and my own wants more. it kept me up for a while, so i guess i'm pretty tired... but i've just been thinking about what that means to me. i've never really thought about what i want, or what i need, because i've always just been on the back seat. but the more i think about it, the more i realize that meiling was right..."

she sighed and looked to her side, avoiding eye contact with the pair before continuing,

"she's right, and i really, truly do love my friends dearly, but i think i should be paying more attention to myself. i know that we won't be classmates forever, eventually you two will move away and go on your own paths... if i keep living in everyone's shadow, when that happens, i won't know what to do with myself."

both sakura and meiling looked a little confused, but sakura soon nodded and took a step forward to look the girl in the eye. she smiled softly,

"tomoyo, you know we care about you and want you to be the best version of yourself, so do whatever you need. say, do you and meiling want to come to the festival with yukito and i tonight ?"

meiling's face lit up and she nodded rapidly, but tomoyo just stood there, blank-faced. she eventually did come back to reality, though, to answer,

"oh, sakura, i really appreciate the offer, but i think i'll stay home tonight."


	3. mirror

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tomoyo takes some time to herself to do things that she wants to, without the approval or guidance of her friends. she also has a talk with her mother and meiling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello we're finally getting to the tomomei ! still subtle but we're getting there <3

tomoyo had made the decision to stay home that day. although it seemed quite small to outsiders, for her, it was certainly a step in the right direction. it certainly wasn't something either meiling or sakura expected, tomoyo would only ever turn down plans if she was ill or had firm plans already. she waved her friends goodbye before turning on her heel to go inside and begin thinking about what she would do that evening, since it wasn't often that she had time to herself. of course, she technically did, but it was rare that she had time to do what she wanted without being bothered. she got her cell phone out of her bag to check the time, _4:07 pm._ she locked her phone and put it back in her bag. tomoyo opened the front door to her home, saying,

"i'm home !"

her mother was there to greet her, although she looked just a little surprised. she greeted her daughter and asked,

"you aren't going to the festival tonight, tomoyo ? didn't sakura ask you to come ?"

tomoyo nodded her head in response and twiddled her thumbs,

"she did, but i decided i'd stay home tonight."

sonomi made an 'o' shape with her mouth as she certainly wasn't used to hearing this. the last time she could remember that tomoyo willingly stayed home was to finish piles of homework back in fourth grade, and she was all caught up this time.

"may i ask why ?"

tomoyo paused and realized that her mother wasn't trying to sound condescending, just curious. she would be, too.

"i figured i'd do something i wanted to do tonight."

sonomi gave a warm smile upon hearing this and clapped her hands together, answering,

"well, you know if you need anything at all, the housekeepers are here. i have a business meeting in about an hour, but you can call me if you need anything."

tomoyo nodded, then bowed to one of the housekeepers before heading upstairs and to her bedroom. she fell down onto her bed, staring up at the ceiling and thinking to the consistent sound of the clock ticking. she had promised herself to do something for herself today, but she hadn't taken any time to actually think about what she wanted to do. of course, she could watch a movie, but she did that alone a lot of the time anyways, and normally she would get a call from either meiling or sakura in the middle of it. she could listen to music, but it was an unspoken rule that the majority of the time, when they were together, meiling and tomoyo would listen to music together. of course, they listened to music outside of each other sometimes, but if they were both up to it, it would be done together. she could make a costume for sakura's next encounter with a card, but tomoyo had sworn she would do something for _herself._

she sighed and turned her head to the side. that's when the girl saw her video camera on her night stand. she got an idea right then, and sprung up, running to her closet to change out of her school uniform. she grabs her video camera, heads down the stairs, quickly bowing to any housekeepers she may pass. she heads out one of the side doors to her front garden, and switches the camera on. she had always thought about doing a video project of the flowers in her garden, but never actually got around to it and buried the idea in the back of her mind. she cut to the chase and began filming, starting with the roses. she filmed close-up shots, shots showing all of the roses, left to right, right to left, zooming in then out, showing some roses that hadn't yet fully bloomed. tomoyo did the same with the peonies, dahlias, morning glories, peonies, lilies, lilac, tulips, baby's breath, and several others. to say her garden was huge would be an understatement, it took her around two hours to finish filming all of the flowers, all of the angles and shots she desired.

♡

once she headed inside to work on editing the video, she decided to grab a slice of a key lime pie her mother had made a few days prior and some lemonade. she opened her laptop and got to work almost immediately. tomoyo had one of the expensive video editors, like adobe after effects or one of the many sony had to offer. she had edited several montages of sakura and syaoran's costumes before, so she knew her way around editing. once she put all the clips together, cut them to the times she wanted, added transitions, edited the speed, and put text over the different types of flowers naming them and describing what makes them different, tomoyo was almost done. the video had come out to a little over twelve minutes. she imported some classical music to put over it, then added some finishing touches. her mother had headed to her meeting about an hour ago, and tomoyo was with sakura, so she couldn't show either of them her video, but nonetheless, she was proud of herself.

it wasn't often that tomoyo could truly say she was proud of herself. of course, she was proud when she finished her homework in time, finished a costume, got a good mark on her report card, learned a new stitch, learned a new hairstyle or recipe, but she hadn't ever been truly proud of something she created. something she created for herself, nonetheless. almost everything the girl created was for someone else. she exported the video to her sd card, then closed her laptop and leaned back in her desk chair. she looked in the mirror and smiled at herself, something she nearly never did. tomoyo leaned a bit closer into the mirror and took a moment to appreciate herself physically, again, something that rarely happened.

for one, she had lovely deep purple eyes that she rarely saw on anyone else. a trait unique to her. she had long, healthy dark purple hair that she kept well-groomed and had several intricate styles for. she had short hair at one point when she was little, but it took around six years, regular hair treatments, and a lot of care to grow it out to the length it was now. tomoyo was proud of herself for that. she had smooth, almost glass-like skin. even though she didn't have much of a skincare routine, it was quite unlikely that she got blemishes. she was a teenager, so it was bound to happen once or twice, but the majority of the time, her skin was almost perfectly clear. she had quite rounded and plump lips that she saw on quite a few other girls at tomoeda junior high, but had never quite appreciated on herself. tomoyo had a round button-like nose that she inherited from her mother, and was quite often fawned over by said mother. sonomi thought that her daughter had the perfect side profile, but she didn't pay it much mind herself. she had slightly down turned eyes with a monolid, but were still quite big. like a porcelain doll. her eyes were one of her favorite features about herself.

she then stood up to head over to her full-length mirror. tomoyo was a bit on the chubbier side, but she had never had a problem with that. sakura and sonomi thought it was quite cute, but she herself had never paid much mind to it. she was a pretty petite girl in height, but she was only thirteen. she could still grow. besides, she could fit into a lot of the clothes she had as an elementary school, so that was a plus. hell, she could still fit into her tomoeda elementary uniform. not so much a physical feature, but tomoyo did take a moment to appreciate how well her clothing style complimented her. sure, it was a bit old-fashioned, but she always made it work. her outfits were always feminine and modest, and always made her seem so put together, even if she had just thrown them on. she did a little twirl in the mirror, appreciating how her skirt flowed when she spun around. she let out a little giggle, and thought to herself that she should really do this more often.

tomoyo really let it sink in that meiling was indeed right. as much as she loved caring for her friends and going out of her way to make them happy, it felt incredible to give some of that same love and care to herself. she had always felt afraid to in the past for fear of being considered selfish, but she realized that day through her activities that it wasn't selfish, even in the slightest. she wouldn't have any energy or love to give if she wasn't giving at least some of it to herself sometimes, and she would have to thank meiling for guiding her to that once she came home. the things she did were quite simple, but tomoyo was so used to giving herself the bare minimum that it made all the difference in the world for her. she headed over to her bathroom to start running a bath, and she got out some lavender bath salts sakura had gifted her a few months ago. once the bathtub was full, she allowed herself to let every last muscle relax and fully let herself enter a state of pure calm. the girl unclenched her jaw, let her shoulders relax, cracked her knuckles, and stayed in the bath for quite a while as she awaited her mother and roommate's return.

♡

both sonomi and meiling arrived home around 9:00, in perfect time for the latter to begin getting ready for bed. meiling headed up to tomoyo's room to greet her, and instantly saw how happy her roommate looked. she wasn't an unhappy girl, not at all, but it wasn't often that meiling saw her looking like she was on cloud nine.

"tonight went well, huh ?"

meiling asked, sitting down on the girl's couch. tomoyo nodded quickly in response and said,

"meiling.. i was a little skeptical at first, but you were right,"

she walked over to her and took both of her hands in hers,

"thank you, thank you. i truly don't know what i'd do without you."

meiling chuckled nervously and nodded as a 'you're welcome', feeling a slight blush spread on her face. she hoped to the gods that tomoyo wouldn't notice. thankfully, she didn't seem to. the girls heard a knock at her bedroom door, to which tomoyo yelled,

"come in !"

sonomi promptly turned the doorknob and entered, heading over to the couch and sitting down. she saw meiling but didn't pay much mind to her, as she was almost a second daughter to her at this point, just like sakura. she began speaking with her knees turned towards her daughter,

"well, the business meeting went great ! but i wanted to ask you how tonight went. i know you aren't home alone often, so i do hope you were safe and enjoyed yourself, dear."

tomoyo smiled at her mother and clasped her hands together,

"oh, it went wonderfully, but it's all thanks to meiling ! she was the one to point out that i should be taking better care of myself, instead of being so selfless all the time."

meiling was a little caught off guard, but smiled and chimed in,

"well, that's just how i am, right ? changing lives with my magical advice !"

sonomi and tomoyo both laughed and sonomi continued,

"well, she is right, you've always been such a caring and generous girl. but it's not good for you to neglect yourself, you know ! you deserve it, you really do. i only want the most happiness for you, tomoyo."

tomoyo's smile spread a little wider.

"thank you, mom, meiling. it means a lot. i really do appreciate you,"

tomoyo turned her face and knees towards her roommate, and continued,

"and again, thank you. it goes unsaid a lot, but i really am thankful for you, meiling."


	4. connection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tomoyo begins thinking about her friendship with meiling, and realizes that her feelings may go a little further than what's normal for friends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes hello we're getting to tomomei now i promise ! i hope you'll enjoy !

the last thing on tomoyo's mind was romantic feelings. it wasn't often that she thought about having a lover, of course, it crossed her mind now and again, but she was only a first year in junior high. she didn't need a partner anytime soon, and while sure, it would be nice to have one, it wasn't something tomoyo was going to rush. sakura was lucky enough to have seemingly found the one for her early on, and tomoyo was happy for both her and syaoran. but she didn't want to rush into anything, her time would come.

sooner than expected, apparently. speaking of syaoran, the last person she expected to catch feelings for, _romantic_ feelings for, was his cousin. not that she particularly minded, it was just that she didn't expect this so suddenly. but eventually, it did make sense. some weeks ago, tomoyo had that self-care day which helped shift her perspective quite a bit, thanks to her conversation with meiling. they had exchanged so many letters while miles away from each other, all of which tomoyo kept and reread when she missed her dear friend. they had a lot in common, a lot more than they expected, actually- both of them were born into noble families, both of them were used to living in the shadows, both of them were passionate about fashion and the arts in general. for tomoyo, that meant design and cinematography, for meiling that meant martial arts.

it wasn't rare for the two of them to hug each other goodbye when meiling had her study sessions with akiho, or for meiling to try and teach her roommate some basic cantonese (which she actually picked up quite quickly). she wished that she could ask the girl to stay home for one of those nights, or hug her tighter, style her hair more often, anything like that would be enough, even if it was just for a split second. it all seemed so sudden, it was so unexpected, but it was now three months into meiling's stay with tomoyo daidouji. and unless she wanted the remaining three months to be painfully awkward for the both of them, tomoyo knew she would have to do _something._ whether that be confessing, convincing meiling to go back to the hotel she had initially booked, or something of that sort, she had to do something.

"daidouji, could you read the next paragraph ?"

she was a bit startled, but snapped out of her thoughts by her teacher. she nodded, stood up and began reading from the book her class was studying in language arts. she did her best to keep her focus, as hard as that was, it was much easier said than done. however, the girl didn't stutter or stumble over her words, and she let out a sigh of relief once she was finished reading her portion. sakura looked at her from her desk and mouthed, 'you okay ?' tomoyo nodded, and put her head down on her desk for just a moment before sitting back upright to pay attention to her class. gosh, having these feelings always seemed so easy in the movies, but it wasn't at all. tomoyo had no idea how sakura or syaoran did this.

when class was dismissed, meiling began packing up her things to head outside for lunch. she looked at tomoyo curiously, before taking her hand and beginning to guide the girl to the school courtyard. tomoyo definitely didn't expect this- meiling was a bold person, sure. but it wasn't often that she was bold in her actions when they involved other people. it seemed so... easy for her, so effortless, and while tomoyo was by no means a jealous person, she did feel jealous of how brave meiling could be. they sat down in the courtyard on their normal spots and began eating, apparently that day chiharu had taken in a foster kitten, so that's what the conversation was mostly about. yamazaki tried to slip in a few lies about cats and fostering in general, which was almost believable, until chiharu told everyone that he was talking about the _human_ foster care system. naoko tried to slip in a few words about her snakes, but that nearly scared sakura out of her skin, so she kept her mouth shut for the most part. meiling made sure to ask for naoko to message her some photos of her snakes after school.

the rest of the day was a bit of a blur, but tomoyo wouldn't let her slip into a similar daze or state of mind as she did a few weeks prior. she had done a little research about self-care, not just physical, but emotional, and she learned that part of emotional self-care was paying close attention to her feelings. she couldn't just bottle them up and pretend she was perfectly fine, she had already learned her lesson from that. she debated talking about it perhaps to sakura, or maybe syaoran since he probably knows meiling better, them being cousins and all. she could just swallow her pride, not that she had much, and confess to the girl, but what would happen if she didn't return her feelings ? being roommates would be much too awkward knowing that the other person has romantic feelings for you, yet you don't. gosh, it was difficult, it was frustrating. tomoyo didn't get like this often, but right now, she just wanted to rip her hair out. after a few more minutes of contemplation, she decided to call her mother and ask if it was okay for her to swing by the kinomoto residence, just for a little.

her mother agreed, so she knocked on the door of the guest bedroom meiling was in at the moment.

"come in !"

she heard her roommate yell, so she did, and she saw meiling watching some reality tv drama. tomoyo wasn't ever really the type of person to like reality, but since meiling was, she made a mental note to perhaps start watching one of the shows. but she cut to the chase, it was already awkward enough watching her friend watch tv.

"meiling, i hope you don't mind, but i'll be heading to sakura's for a little bit. i'll be back for dinner."

meiling looked back at her and responded,

"you know tomoyo, you don't need my approval to go places. if you wanna go somewhere, go, i know you'll be back. my tomoyo is responsible, right ?"

tomoyo didn't know what she meant by _her_ tomoyo, but she figured it was just meiling teasing like she normally did. she gave her roommate a warm smile, bowed, and then headed out the front door to begin walking to sakura's place. it wasn't that far of a walk, and the weather was fairly nice on that particular day, so she didn't bother calling a bodyguard to drive her. at this point, tomoyo didn't bother calling sakura to let her know that she was coming over. they pretty much lived together at this point, so if she showed up at the kinomoto residence doorstep without an invitation or notice, nobody really paid any mind. within around twenty minutes, tomoyo had arrived, and she rang the doorbell. touya answered, and tomoyo smiled at him before greeting him.

"good afternoon, kinomoto, is sakura home ?"

touya stepped back to yell upstairs,

"hey monster ! daidouji is here to see you !"

tomoyo heard a faint yell of,

"hey ! i told you not to call me that !"

tomoyo just giggled. ah, brotherly love. she was an only child, so she didn't know exactly what it was like, but little sibling banters were certainly funny to witness. sakura came down the stairs in a moment, and touya moved from the doorway to let tomoyo inside. the girls headed up to sakura's bedroom, where kero was yelling at some online game. the girls sat down on sakura's bed, and she spoke up,

"you didn't send me a message, what's up ?"

tomoyo was in thought for a moment, and decided it was best to just be honest with sakura. her best friend had been nothing but honest with her before, and she didn't really have a reason to lie.

"well... sakura, what would you say if i said that i think i may be falling in love with someone, and that someone is a girl ?"

sakura made a humming noise as she thought up a response, and took a deep inhale,

"well, i would say it's perfectly okay, and i would do my best to support you ! it doesn't matter if you like boys, girls, or anyone in between, as long as you're happy, right ? like, if syaoran were a girl, i don't think i'd mind. i like boys and girls, so i wouldn't judge you for liking a girl, tomoyo."

tomoyo let out a sigh of relief, and smiled. but she knew what was coming next.

"so, who's the special girl ? is it someone i know ?"

sakura asked quickly, smiling and eyes sparkling with curiosity. best friends told each other almost everything, and it was no different for sakura and tomoyo. they knew each other like the back of their hands, better than anyone else. tomoyo knew sakura better than syaoran, even, and that was definitely saying something.

"well, i'd say you know her pretty well, actually."

tomoyo answered, in a bit of a sing-song voice.

"ooh, is it akiho ?"

"no, not akiho."

"chiaru ? rika ?"

tomoyo shook her head no. sakura looked stumped, and the singer had to restrain herself from laughing.

"hm... is it naoko ?"

tomoyo shook her head no again.

"well, i don't know anyone else really... wait..."

sakura looked like she had mentally connected the dots. she remembered the girl who tomoyo was temporarily living with, who was the cousin of her boyfriend, who was always calling or messaging her at the exact right time somehow.

"oh, it's meiling, isn't it ?"

tomoyo nodded shyly, and gave a little thumbs up. sakura's face lit up and she started going on,

"oh gosh, you two would be so cute together ! i'm sure syaoran would agree ! oh, you could make dresses for her or spend your summer vacations in hong kong- or ooh, maybe meiling could teach you some martial arts ! you could sing together !"

tomoyo just chuckled, hoping that sakura wouldn't notice the bright blush on her cheeks. obviously though, she did.

"aww, is tomoyo blushing ? you really do like her !"

sakura was an awkward mess when it came to her own love life, but when it came to her friends', she wanted to know every little detail and help them the best she could. she wouldn't necessarily go as far as to play cupid, but she was definitely up there. but she took her friend's hand, and said in a more soft tone,

"i'm here for you. i'm sure that meiling feels the same way, when you aren't there she's always talking so positively about you. i'd be surprised if she _didn't_ like you back, i mean, after all, you're tomoyo ! what's not to love about you ?"

tomoyo giggled in response and smiled at her friend,

"thank you, sakura. i really appreciate it."

sakura squeezed her hand and smiled back.

"but you know, syaoran also gushes about you when you're not around."

now sakura was the one who was blushing.


	5. honesty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tomoyo makes up her mind. it's better to take a leap of faith and put her pride aside than to hold her tongue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOOOO last chapter let's go !! i hope everyone enjoys ! <3

the days after tomoyo's visit to sakura went by like any other day would. tomoyo came home in time for dinner that night, her and meiling watched a movie, some classic horror that meiling suggested, and they went to bed as normal. after homework and sneaking a late snack, of course. as much as tomoyo wanted to speak up, she by no means wanted to potentially sacrifice her friendship with her temporary roommate. all the letters, all the video calls, late night messages, little gifts they had given each other, rare but cute selfies they had taken, it would all be too painful to look back on if tomoyo's feelings were rejected. knowing that she had sakura's support definitely did help boost the girl's confidence, but she didn't have the courage to actually tell the subject of her affection just how she was feeling.

of course, she could ask syaoran, but the two of them had only really gotten to know each other when they were little. both of them were in junior high now, living in separate countries, separate cultures, living separate lives. junior high school is definitely the starting point of people beginning to grow into their personality, so while it was likely that syaoran did know his cousin well at one point, it was unlikely that he knew her well as a person in present time. ugh. tomoyo normally did have at least some kind of help, but this time, it seemed she was completely on her own, and that would be how she'd have to handle this situation. sakura's support was nice, but she couldn't give her any actual help on dealing with her emotions. just support, and advice. when all was said and done, these were _tomoyo's_ feelings, and she had to be the one to do something about them.

it was tough, and it felt like there were iron bars, or bricks piled upon tomoyo's shoulders. the fondness, the possible love that she had for meiling weighed heavy on her, all twenty-four hours of the day, all seven days of the week. of course, her roommate would ask if she was okay, but her response was always something along the lines of,

"i'm fine, just feeling a bit under the weather is all."

she wasn't one to be dishonest. not at all. even if it would come at her expense, tomoyo was an honest girl. she was by no means a liar, a cheater, a manipulator, or anything along those lines. tomoyo kept her word, she never made promises she knew she couldn't keep. being so incredibly selfless did make it difficult at times to be honest about her feelings with friends, _especially_ with herself, but hey, she was working on it. there was a lot of internal conflict going on. if tomoyo wasn't saying anything, she wasn't technically lying. but if she was holding her tongue and keeping it a secret when it involved a dear friend, it still wasn't fair to her or to said friend. it was dishonest to tomoyo, and to tomoyo's feelings. she knew she couldn't keep this act up forever, eventually she would have to let it spill, and she would need to be honest.

_honesty._

that was the thing tomoyo needed in this moment. for now, the girl would have to swallow her pride- not that she had much of it, anyways. if she didn't accept, it would sting a little. no, scrap that, it would sting a lot. but that didn't mean that tomoyo could bring her life to a halt, there's plenty of other fish in the sea, even if the majority aren't anywhere near meiling's level. god, it was nerve-wracking, and it made her heart ache just thinking about it, but she would only continue to feel worse. worse, and worse, and worse. it's not like she hadn't held her feelings in before, she had several times, more times than she could count. but tomoyo knew that it wasn't fair to herself to continue hiding her emotions like this. even if it was humiliating, anxiety-inducing, heartbreaking, or anything of that sort, tomoyo knew that she would have to confess to meiling, and she would have to do it quickly.

it was a tuesday afternoon, and she was walking home with both sakura and meiling. earlier that day, eriol had called sakura about something that spinel sun had gotten into, to ask if kero was the same way, to which her response was,

"you're the one who created the guardians, why are you asking me ?"

well, not in that exact wording, sakura was much more polite. but oh well, it was a funny little story, and eriol eventually got whatever was going on with spinel figured out. it was coming close to exam season, so stakes were high, several students were staying after school hours to study, and meiling had her study sessions with akiho extended by an hour. however, sonomi still insisted that meiling be home for dinner, so she had to head to akiho's straight from school. tomoyo knew that if she wanted to confess, it would have to be that evening. she wouldn't get a chance the next morning, as they would both be rushing to get ready for school, school hours were off limits for obvious reasons, after that she would be with akiho, and after dinner she would most likely be much too tired to have a serious talk. tomoyo let out a deep sigh, and kept her head down. of course, she was asked about her change in demeanor, like she had been a few weeks prior, but it wasn't anything that she could particularly give a clear answer to. tomoyo just had to shrug her shoulders and hope that was enough.

"tomoyo ? tomoyo ?"

meiling was waving her hand in front of the girl's face with a concerned expression. tomoyo shot her gaze up to her roommate, and smiled.

"i'm sorry, i was lost in thought."

"don't worry about it ! we're home, so i kinda figured you'd wanna snap out of it."

tomoyo looked to the side, and she was indeed right. she had kept walking with her friends, and she didn't even realize that she was home. if tomoyo was home, that meant that a while ago, sakura had gotten home herself, and she suddenly felt guilty for not saying goodbye to her friend. she made a mental note to message her once she got the chance. the girls walked inside, greeted a housekeeper who was sweeping the staircase, and used the other side of the staircase to head upstairs to their rooms. meiling, however, followed tomoyo to her room, instead of heading to the guest room to play games or do homework like she usually did. she instead sat down on tomoyo's floor, then laid back and sprawled out on the hard wood floor. she looked over to tomoyo, who was sitting on her bed, and asked,

"so, miss daidouji, what's been on your mind ? i mean, i know that you've felt a little sick lately, but you don't seem to be, like, _physically_ unhealthy. i'm your roommate, at least for now, and you know if you need anything you can one hundred percent pop over to the guest room to talk to me. unless i'm taking a nap."

meiling chuckled after that last sentence, and saw tomoyo's face begin to grow more and more flushed. tomoyo's mind and heart were racing, both at the same time like it was some kind of competition, and her internal alarm was going absolutely mad. this was the moment, it was now or never for tomoyo. tomoyo felt like she had the words 'I HAVE A CRUSH ON YOU' written all over her body, most likely tattooed, and although the girl was incredibly nervous, she knew that there was absolutely no going back now. it would have to be right there, right now. so she took a deep inhale, bracing herself for what she was about to say.

  
"meiling, i know that it may be surprising, and please don't feel like you have to feel the same way, okay ? but.. i think i like you, romantically, like the way that syaoran and sakura like each other. it came as a shock to me, and i.. i tried so hard to hide it, but i can't any longer, it's not fair to us. i know we live in different countries, and we're both girls, but i can't just put my feelings, or myself on the back seat anymore."

tomoyo gulped after saying all of that, and saw meiling looking wide-eyed and flushed. just like she was not even a moment before. she prepared for rejection, for heartbreak, for her roommate to ask to stay at a hotel during the remaining months in tomoeda. she squeezed her eyes tight and covered her face, she felt so _ashamed,_ so _stupid-_

and that's when she felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around her. she hadn't even heard meiling get up from the couch, but nonetheless, she melted into the touch. she felt meiling's hands lift her bangs up for a moment, and a pair of lips being pressed to her forehead. tomoyo slowly uncovered her face, and saw that meiling was smiling. not her usual 'game face' competitive smile, or her smile when she was trying to hold back a laugh, it was a warm, loving, endearing smile.

"i hoped you'd say that. tomoyo, i don't know how the hell you haven't figured it out, but i've liked you for a while."

tomoyo's face lit up and she threw her arms around the other girl, reciprocating the hug she had given her, and laughed. she laughed, she almost cried, but she mostly laughed. of shock, of happiness, of absolute, pure joy. she almost had to ask her roommate to pinch her, because it was _that_ hard to believe that this was truly happening. she looked up at the girl, and asked,

"meiling, may i kiss you ?"

meiling gave a short gasp and a blush rising to her ears formed, but she shyly nodded. tomoyo closed her eyes, slowly leaned in, and felt their lips meet. it was awkward, to say the least. she had to tilt her head to the side to prevent bumping into meiling's nose, meiling had no idea what she was supposed to do with her hands, and while the kiss lasted a while, they sort of just sat there like rag dolls, not doing anything. but they laughed as they pulled apart, and they both knew that they wouldn't have it any other way. tomoyo had learned from meiling not only how to love herself, but how to love others in a more healthy way. she didn't think she could express her gratitude even if she tried.

tomoyo daidouji was used to being on the back seat her entire life.

but now, she had her own center-stage front seat.


End file.
